Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
