got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
