it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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