The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize