I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
