I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
