I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize