What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
