In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
