Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
