3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
3pm strippers are depressing
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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