I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
