so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
