How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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