I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
