Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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