He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
