I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
