A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize