I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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