Only a mothe r could love this liver
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But break dance skills will only take you so far
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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