ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
