What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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