remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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