shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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