Kiss
Puke
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
