I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my liver is dry heaving
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
