My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
