we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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