I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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