i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize