I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
