i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
