Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
