Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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