You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
