Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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