sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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