No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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