have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize