i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
