She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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