well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
