just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
