1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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