There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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