Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize