I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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