fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
