Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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