Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
