Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
