So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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