How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
