But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
