i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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