i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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