maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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