if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
