Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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