I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
