I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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