you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
