I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
