i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
