I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How does it feel to date your dad?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
