I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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