I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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