You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
